June 2003 edition

A few stalwart residents and guests braved the heat of an early Cypriot summer to join Alison South’s interesting tour of some of the archaeological sites around Maroni in May. There were twenty taking part and the visits included Vournes, Tsaroukas and Petrera, where Alison gave an informative description of the history and workings of the sites, bringing them to life.

Generous donations are slowly being received and we now have enough funds to cover three more editions. We have decided that our annual function this year will be a “Cruise to Rhodes” from Friday 26th to Monday 29th September with an International Floor Show, 24 hour bar and Casino, with Breakfast, Lunch, Afternoon Tea and Dinner included at an approximate cost of £160 for 4 days and 3 nights of luxury with twin bed cabins and en-suite facilities. Please contact David Bryant (TEL: 24 333106) or E-mail: newseditor@maronicyprus.net if you are interested, as soon as possible, because arrangements have to be made with the cruise company. Other ideas we have for future events are a concert at the football stadium, a beach party with a fashion show, a trip to Troodos and a function including a mock Greek wedding, with perhaps the members of the committee as the major participants, our Chairman would make a beautiful bride.

We have a sad story in this edition by a new contributor, Meike Klein, describing the demise of her cat “Kallistos”, plus Gerry Barron on snakes, Jane Langford on a village wedding, John Cochrane’s frightening, but humorous article on “hijacking”, John Clements travelling, another of Alison South’s informative articles on archaeology, a short story about Psematismenos, a lengthy but hilarious letter to a bank, which we felt was worth printing in full, and the usual reports and Roger’s Quiz.

Below is an actual letter sent to a Bank. The Bank Manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Guardian Newspaper:

Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness. No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 2003, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater compliment and I know you will be excited and proud to hear it. To this end, please be advised about the following changes:

I have noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, ever-changing, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your branch whom you must nominate. You will be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further by introducing you to my new telephone system, which you will notice, is very much like yours. My Authorised Contact at your bank, the only person with whom I will have any dealings, may call me at any time and will be answered by an automated voice service:

Press buttons as follows:

To make an appointment to see me.
To query a missing payment.
To transfer the call to my living room in case I am here.
To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the Authorised Contact.
To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 9.
To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

While this may on occasion involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. This month I’ve chosen a refrain from “The Best of Woodie Guthrie : Oh, the banks are made of marble, with a guard at every door, and the vaults are filled with silver, that the miners sweated for”

On a more serious note, we come to the matter of cost. As your bank has often pointed out, the ongoing drive for greater efficiency comes at a cost which you have always been quick to pass on to me. Let me repay your kindness by passing some costs back. First, there is a matter of advertising material you send to me. This I will read for a fee of £20 per page. Inquiries from the Authorised Contact will be billed at £5 per minute of my time spent in response.

Any debits to my account, as, for example, in the matter of the penalty for the dishonoured cheque, will be passed back to you. My new phone service runs at 75p. a minute. You will be well advised to keep your inquiries brief and to the point.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous, New Year?

Your Humble Client, (Name Withheld)

As there hasn’t been much archaeological work in our area in the last five years, it is pleasant to report that a new excavation near Kalavasos started at Christmas 2002, and continued in April 2003. The project is directed by Dr Joanne Clarke who is a specialist in the Neolithic period of Cyprus, originally from Australia and now lecturing at the University of East Anglia at Norwich, UK.

Dr Clarke is assisted by Dr Paul Croft, the ‘animal bones man’ from Lemba (a zooarchaeologist who studies ancient animal bones), and a team of students mainly from Australia, UK and USA.

The site, known as Kalavasos ‘Kokkinoyia’, belongs to the Ceramic Neolithic period (about 5,000-4,000 B.C.), and is located on a low plateau a little to the south-west of the Zygi-Kalavasos crossroads (where the shops are) on the ‘old Limassol road’. The great Cypriot prehistorian Porphyrios Dikaios discovered it, and dug there for a short time in 1947. He found a number of pits cut into the bedrock, some of them quite large (up to 2 or 3 metres wide and 1.5m deep) and containing what seemed to be floor surfaces, with much Neolithic pottery and other objects such as stone querns, grinding stones, axes and flint tools. He concluded that the evidence suggested that people had actually lived in the pits (although there are several other sites of the same period with stone-built houses, usually rectangular with rounded corners).

In recent years, exciting developments in the earlier Aceramic (pre-pottery) Neolithic period in Cyprus (10,000-5,000 B.C.) have rather overshadowed the following Ceramic Neolithic phase, although there have been two important excavations of Ceramic Neolithic villages (at Kandou near Limassol, and near Paralimni). When Dr Clarke was recently planning to start a University of East Anglia project in Cyprus, she felt that it would be very worthwhile to reinvestigate the enigmatic pits at Kokkinoyia to try to sort out whether they were really dwellings, and to take a fresh look at the economy of the period using methods including scientific studies of animal bones, ancient seeds, soil samples, etc. The first season of the new excavation lasted for a month during December-January, with students mainly from Australia (keen to get digging experience during their long summer vacation); the team stayed in tourist accommodation in Kalavasos, and ate in the evenings in the ‘Tenta’ restaurant which has been feeding archaeologists for more than 25 years.

As often happens at the beginning of a new dig, the first test trenches seemed disappointing, but soon some large Neolithic pits began to appear. Continuing in the spring, the team found more pits, some unusual underground chambers which also seem to be Neolithic, and also walls and pits probably belonging to the slightly later Chalcolithic (copper age) period (4,000-2,500 B.C.). The pottery includes the typical Cypriot Neolithic wares, often painted with red-on-white abstract designs, ‘combed ware’ where a white pattern is created by scraping a comb through the red paint, and plain red wares. Stone objects such as various grinding stones, hammers, pestles and flint blades were also found.

The project is planned to continue for several years, and no doubt more excavation, together with various specialist studies, will gradually solve the riddle of what was the purpose of the mysterious pits, as well as yielding much new evidence concerning life in Neolithic and Chalcolithic times.

At last, some feedback! A reader has contacted the Editor asking would I continue the travel stuff but, please no more weedy jokes. Now this is a challenge, and you know me, the weak, silent type; I went out and bought a joke. Here it is.

THE AFFAIR…….

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and, sure enough, delivered a healthy boy, months later. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to find the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said there was no way that he could be the father, "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered" he cried. Then he gave her a stern look and asked, " Have you been fooling around? The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time".

True to journalistic tradition I cannot reveal the source of this joke, but his initials are Tony Barron.

Now, some travel stuff. Little change, Cyprus Airways have finished the senior citizen offer (early, I think), there are various other offers around but all constrained by either conditions or unavailability. My tip this month is:-join the Cyprus AA, it only costs £25, The RAC/AA in UK are around £40 for starters. The Cyprus AA is affiliated to all the European associations so you have virtual European cover; they will sell ferry tickets (still no ferry to Greece except car-only) at a discount, and also air tickets at a tiny discount.

Finally, a true story, vaguely travel related. Recently, I noticed trains in the UK marked Virgin Trains, apparently Richard Branson bought up some of British Rail and has called his trains thus. I asked my Father why, and he said. "It's obvious, they're not going all the way!" Boom, boom.

Living as we do on an island either by birth or by choice, we have more cause than most, to utilize air travel, whether it is to visit our native land, for business, or merely to get off the island. Just how safe do we feel, when we check-in for our flights. The airport security system is nowadays a far cry from the casual, informal approach taken a few years back - but is it adequate. You’ll certainly have your nail-scissors, penknife or any other sharp object confiscated, if you have forgotten to place them in checked baggage, and try to pass through the x-ray process with your hand luggage - but that is a very rudimentary protection against the presence of lethal substances or implements on board your flight.

When the doors close and pushback starts, you are locked into a communion with a planeload of fellow-travellers - several of whom might have the intention of blowing themselves and everyone else into oblivion for some obscure political purpose, and in the mistaken belief that he will be rewarded with an ample supply of virgins in the after-world - (not to mention the legacy of a few thousand bucks courtesy of Saddam Hussein for his dependants - no guarantees that this is still available) One wonders if the perpetrators of such religious teachings, have come up with an equal-opportunities solution for female “martyrs”. The sad facts are, that we live in close proximity to the breeding grounds of just such radical and extreme teaching, responsible for the 9/11 atrocities in USA, and countless other acts of self-destruction. Can any religion that encourages teen-agers, of both sexes, to strap on some dynamite, in order to prove a point, at the cost of numerous lives, be regarded as sane and civilised? Having said that, how can we protect ourselves against sharing our next flight with an aspiring “martyr”?

This is a matter which has occupied my mind, ever since the psychologists advising airline training staff, suggested that the best way to deal with a hijacker, was by “conflict resolution” - to make the person feel at ease and amongst friends! This simplistic approach probably works with the “negotiable” hijack, where the perpetrators want to bargain, but would clearly be of no use whatever with the suicide variety - as was abundantly clear from the 9/11 atrocities.

It is some years now, since as project pilot for the Airbus 310 for Cyprus Airways, I insisted that the crew door to the flight deck was equipped with a remotely-operated electric lock, to prevent uninvited access. Needless to say it was a grossly under-used facility in such a chummy airline. Not so now, with strict access codes and entry protocols that make life difficult for the crew on the present range of aircraft - and the doors are now armoured to resist forced entry. Again - all very well as long as the hijacker obeys the rules, and decides to bang on the door to gain access – which was never the way they used anyway. The current breed of psychopaths intent on gaining access to the front end of the plane, might use the simpler expedient of attacking and mutilating a member of the cabin staff, or may start a fire that distracts the crew, or simulate the actions of a disruptive passenger, in order to create the need for intervention from the flight deck. It is obvious that, should he, or she, gain access to the front-end, then the game is over, and anyone’s guess what the end result will be.

There is a general misconception that airline security depends upon, the ground-based checks and procedures adopted at the departure airport. This is another piece of fiction that deserves to be discounted - unless, however, you are travelling El Al, where a pernicious policy of “passenger profiling”, has been their stock-in-trade for many years. However objectionable the process of questioning and harassing each “suspect” passenger may be, it has yielded positive dividends in detecting “mule” carriers of explosive gifts, and other suspects with a one-way-ticket. El Al also employ, in-flight marshals armed with weapons using low-velocity ammunition (to avoid making holes in the pressure-cabin).

This should insure that any aspiring hijacker who might evade the security examination, can expect to collect his reward earlier than expected. El Al, as a prime target, has been notably successful in dealing with potential problems, even if it might take for ever to check-in and board a flight. The discovery of primed explosives amongst the “presents” given to an Irishwoman by her Jordanian boyfriend at Heathrow, and the identification of the “shoe-bomber” during an earlier attempt to board an El Al flight, are among the successes claimed for the profiling policy.

The cost, when taking into account other security hardware installed on their aircraft, is a multi-million dollar security tab picked up by El Al and the Israeli government. This would be judged good value by the passengers on the aforementioned flights, who would, but for the draconian security process, no longer be with us - but it would equate to a twenty dollar hike in the ticket price, for each and every El Al passenger, if the cost was passed on to the traveller.

Harking back to 9/11, American Airlines were the prime target for the teams of suicide gangs (largely Saudi nationals), who took over fully-fuelled long range aircraft, shortly after departure. The choice of A-A does not surprise anyone with some knowledge of internal US airlines – their security was a bad joke, to the extent that I had grave doubts about travelling with A-A back in July 2000. Access to the flight deck was gained, as we have been led to believe, by attacking the cabin staff. Had the flight-deck crew been able to resist demands to open the flight-deck door, then a different scenario might have occurred, however distasteful this might have been.

The obvious conclusion is that under no circumstances should any hijack gang, be allowed to gain access to the flight deck of an aircraft in flight. One is forced to consider the IF’s in the 9/11 disasters :

- IF the passengers had acted in unison

- IF there had been a strong leader in the cabin, to deal with determined assassins

- IF the threat to female cabin staff, had provoked strong and concerted male response, against such a cowardly attack. Then, who knows – but to leave it until the flight deck has been breached, is too late by far.

There is good advice for passengers, offered by a United Airlines Captain out of Los Angeles, in the wake of the 9/11 tragedies. He abandoned his normal welcome address to passengers during the push-back manoeuvre, in lieu of an announcement that they were all now in a capsule, in which their survival depended on their reaction to threat - If there was a bomb on board, then they would probably die, but if there was a person on board, who had it in mind to threaten the survival of all on board, then they should all arm themselves, with whatever was available, and throw it at the individual, using seat cushions as shields against sharp objects, lap-tops as missiles, make-up, pens, anything they could lay their hands on, to overpower the possible hijacker until the cabin staff could secure him (her). This is the most productive P.A. announcement I have ever heard of – other than the one I used to recommend for Hajj (pilgrim) flights which substituted the ditching drill announcements, in favour of how to use the toilets without ruining the furnishings.

What advice can be offered to the general public without causing offence? I believe that the most useful, is to regard all your fellow-travellers with a degree of suspicion, until satisfied that they are bona fide persons. Do not accept that the vest-clad yobbo in row 24, is just a drunk football supporter, if he is becoming objectionable to the cabin staff - pitch-in with other passengers to support the stewardess, who is having the benefit of his attentions. If you are worried about some passengers’ habits, property, or attitude, then make your fears known to the traffic staff before departure, and do not be intimidated by the thought of possible embarrassment. Pick your airline with care - there are more airlines I would not fly with, than those I would. Paradoxically, the safest on balance, are probably those least safe from other perspectives, since they are low on the target scale. By and large I opt for CY, since there are more people who know each other on the same flight, than any other I know (local equivalent of passenger profiling). And never, never, take a present in your luggage for someone as a favour - the little pack of “halloumi” could be your death-warrant ! The only other alternative is to stay at home. As Japan Airlines say - “We hope you had a good fright, and we hope you will fry again with us soon”.

Kallistos really was a beautiful cat, not only because of his very hairy grey tiger coat, but also of his beautiful character.

But I have to start with his grandfather. Ginger was his name, and we brought him as a young cat from Limassol, where my husband lived for some months, before we came to Maroni. One day, half a year later, Ginger brought Mimi to our place, and introduced her as his girl-friend. Mimi had kittens in the bushes near our home, one of these was Flowergirl (because of having light blue blossom of Plumbago, very often in her half Angora coat).

Flowergirl adopted my husband as her daddy and became hand-tamed to us. Her first litter consisted of two male cats, who played and lived on our veranda. But one of them lost his life by being run over by a car. From that time on, the other one took his mother, Flowergirl, as a playmate. Because of his beautiful shape, he now was called Kallistos, meaning the most beautiful. When Flowergirl had the next litter, Kallistos often became the baby-sitter. He developed a very soft and friendly character, always letting the young cats have their meals first. When the kittens grew up, they left our place, but Flowergirl and Kallistos remained – till yesterday. When I came from Germany for my Easter holidays, I saw, that Kallistos was very thin, in spite of being fed regularly by our Kyrie Eleni. He had no appetite and seemed to be weak. So I looked for help.

I had read in the “Maroni News”, the “Tails from the Surgery” with great interest. This Gerry Barron, I had to find. She seemed to be a pitying and competent lady. Therefore I went through Maroni, searching for someone looking English. I was lucky to find Derek, who showed me Gerry’s house. I went there with my car and I received help from her. She immediately came with me and did a check-up on the ill cat. For Gerry it was clear, that Kallistos had only a short time left to live, less than twenty hours, because his kidneys didn’t work.

As it was evening time, we both thought it being the best, so that I would give him some loving last hours, with the feeling of not being alone. So I sat beside Kallistos for some hours, passing my hand over him. When he fell asleep, I put my camping bed next to him. For two hours we both slept peacefully, but Kallistos’s breath was very fast. Then there were times, when he moaned from time to time, but became quiet as soon as he felt my hand on his coat. Then at about five o’clock in the morning his breath got fainter. He had some deep sighs, as if to breathe out life – and then was calm and stopped breathing. So, in my opinion, Kallistos had a peaceful end – bye, bye, little friend.

When we first came to live in Cyprus in February 1992, we rented a house in Moni Village, Limassol District. There we met Kostas, who was a farmer, and also ran the local taverna. He became our dearest friend, and mentor on all things Cypriot :- Very useful Greek phrases, where to buy gas bottles, kerosene, furniture, kitchen-ware etc. etc.

Without his help and advice, we would have faced many problems. We also got to know his very large and wonderful family.

On the 30th April this year, his only daughter, Sophia, got married in Moni. We arrived there at 6.30 p.m., because we knew it would be a really big wedding and wanted to avoid any massive traffic jams. It was delightful to see all our friends again, both Cypriot and ex-pats, and we had a great welcome – we did not realise how many people we knew.

Sophia looked really lovely and so did all the family. Kostas and his wife, Galladia, showed tears of pure joy. Most of his family were busy preparing or serving the food, but we did have time for a chat and a few cuddles from them all.

At 10.30 we sadly had to leave, because Androulla, our taxi, from Psematismenos, was due to collect us. As we left Moni we were confronted by hundreds of cars – some parked in the ditches either side of the main road into Moni, some trying to get in and others out. The police actually had to stop any more vehicles entering and that included poor Androulla. We eventually met up and returned to Maroni tired but very happy, after a real Cypriot wedding.

A few weeks later we returned to Moni, for Kostas’s name-day – a much quieter, but equally welcoming time.

		£
Balance at 1st March 2003 brought forward		388-52
Advertisements for the year		757-00
Donations from Readers (11)		183-00
		1328-52
less:- Printing Costs		510-00
Overseas Postage		4-45
Balance at 20th June 2003		814-07

Archaeological Tour

Volume 5, Issue 2